I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
