is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
