Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you win again, gameday.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
