I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Fuck appropriateness.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
