6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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