I need to stop coming to work sober
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
me + whiskey = a bad person
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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