I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
There are leaves in my underwear?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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