Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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