i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
