so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
