my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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