she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
