I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
