FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
