There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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