I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
