oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..