i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
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Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
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I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.