It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house