If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
