She said her name was "party"
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
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Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
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As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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