i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
