So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
