oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
