i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
