Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
