Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
