she takes plan B like it's going out of style
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
And the cops told us we were all naked.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
