Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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