i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
