did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
