Buhtt sex?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
