i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
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He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just want to make out with him forever
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
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Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He did a backflip because drugs
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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