no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
