I bet he comes in French.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
