Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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