Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
