i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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