I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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