In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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