grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Damn victory sex feels great
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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