I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
