Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
bring money and cleavage
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
