True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Randomize
