yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
