So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
