I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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