Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Less talking, more tequila
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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