My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
