if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I wear drunk well.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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