Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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