she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
