we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
