he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
