Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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