So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
