just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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