just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
