I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
