mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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