His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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