There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize