when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
