party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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