So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
