after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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