pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
She told me I should be a condom model.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
