FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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