Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
