So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
