I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
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I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
My penis needs a shock collar
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
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WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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