I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
