wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
