Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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