I like to think it a success when the cops are called
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
