Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
