My underwear smells like fireworks.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
