Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
