Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
