oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
My life is pants optional.
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