So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
